i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
