another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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