my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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