i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
