i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
