just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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