when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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