Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
