it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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