Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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