theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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