i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
