The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
