Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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