So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
