yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
