I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
