1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
