I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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