trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
