; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
