haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
