I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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