Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
