i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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