Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
