I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
