she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
