I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
