I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
