I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
