We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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