Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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