I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
