I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
