you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
