ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
