She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize