He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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