i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
