2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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