I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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