Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
