I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Life is so much better after having sex.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
40s are totally the cure
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
