o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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