Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
