I will die if light touches me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
