either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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