sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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