you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
