There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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